i met up with cy, sheo, intestinals, and cy’s protégé, gaston at baker’s inn on sun, for cakes & coffee. gaston, protégé in question, despite his loud (i would have used boorish, but i think i’m worse) character, writes poetry that is remarkably different from his personality. from what little i have read, it is formal (in a very tasteful manner), quiet and explosive when required, and the boy is just 19! ok ok, fine i know, actually age has nothing to do with it, but i keep cringing at the memory that i was writing crap at 19.
anyways, gaston was recently one of the five chosen to be tormented at the golden point prize thingy. i must agree, it was in pretty bad taste; to have 5 poets seated in front of everyone and then to proceed to unceremoniously dump 2 after the announcements.
why such desperation for attendees?
unfortunately for gaston, he was one of the 2. (aaron lee was the other, [no? yes?] which was rather surprising, considering he writes pretty good stuff.) Actually, i would, at least, have attempted to understand what they were thinking if the winning script was superior stuff, but i really (x100) feel that this one was definitely, not it.
the life reporter, kristina tom puts it quite aptly: banal.
but he has his fans. and they see the merit. i must say, even though i really do not feel for the poem, (or the others in the series that i have read) i am pretty fond of his scene.
being even more banal: read bo liao, i have remixed it. ☺
****
walk. remixed.
Apa holds my boy’s hand
as they paddle their feet
across the start of the sea.
My son believes
he could staple each wave
to the sand with just a stomp
of his precious foot.
I know my father’s reaction to this;
his now laborious chuckles
will soon drum the air.
It won’t be long now
when my son’s grip shall rival,
then exceed his,
and I will have to be there, to watch
his weaken, droop,
hoping that I could staple
his existence to us
just by hanging on to his hand.
*****
i know, topic-wise this really isn’t exactly the same. i thought his original ambition was a tad too grand to be fulfilled by what he came up with, and i think this part of the scene is much more precious to write about. note, i don’t think this is better, i am just saying this is how i would have done it, given the scene.
anyway, that was a fun-filled taxi ride, thank god i could ride the jam out. back to work. (boring, boring, borin!)
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I have to admit that the poem in question probably won't qualify as one of my better works (although I do not think it is anywhere as bad as Kristina Tom made it out to be).
The GPA, as I had previously mentioned to Cyril, will never produce the best that Singapore's poets can offer. The reason is that the GPA only comes along once in 2 years, and you can only submit your unpublished works. What this means is that your best works will never make it to the GPA, because along the way they would already have get published in all sorts of anthologies, journals, books etc in Singapore or overseas.
Also, I should add that when I submitted my GPA entry, I decided on my poems on a collective basis. I don't see it as just about the individual merits of individual poems. Seven of my eight poems built around the theme of the different stages of life - childhood, young adulthood, parenthood, old age, widowhood etc. Thus I think my poems lent strength to each other in a way that's not apparent if you just look at an individual poem.
On your version of my poem - well, not going to say very much except that I would never have done that way, because that's not how I approach my poetry.
Generally, I keep my poetry true to my personal, perceived reality. My poem follows closely what happened and what I was thinking when I brought the folks to Bintan for a holiday. If you think that what happened was banal, and what I was thinking was banal, well, sorry, I guess you won't like my poem then, but my artistic approach is that I have to stay true to my reality and I won't add in false, interesting details just to make the poem more entertaining or "poetic". I have to be true to myself that way.
Your poem doesn't work for me, if it were to be "my poem", if you know what I mean. It says things which do not express how I feel (or felt). For example, in your version, the poet is quite clear that he wishes his father would not die. I don't wish this - I think it's a rather stupid, not to mention futile wish - I was more thinking about the inevitability of his death (he'd been diagnosed with cancer - tumour removed but likely to recur sometime) and if the ending of my poem seems ambiguous (one of Kristina's criticisms), well, again I can't help it - the poem reflects my state of mind and I am definitely not a guru or a saint or wise man who is able to face death with complete clarity in his head.
hi gilbert,
i know your point about the gpa, and i think it's a flaw of the system too. i wanna say thats why i chose not to send in anything. but that will be lying (truth is, i am lazy and i got even more busy and didn't send jack, haha)
i did read ur entire collection, and its still somewhere in my mac. (am pro-chaos, zero ability to organize files) Yes, collectively, they do make some sense, but my summary of the set is that, compared to gaston, (and this is by MY judgement) i feel his set is better, individually and collectively. bbbbut, everyone is entitled to his view, and the judges ruled in your favour over aaron and gaston so that is the final decision. (also not impressed with sharlene teo's after i very very recently read her stuff.)
dude, of course u wont write it my way, u already wrote it the way u did.
like what u said, i wrote it that way becoz that is i what i think i would feel placed into those (you in that poem) shoes.
i know i will not be so "accepting" if placed in those shoes and i know i will wish silly things like wanting to hold on to an existence even though it is pointless, so that bit i put in, is curiously enough the "future most probable truth" of my personality.
and this is even though i am not typically a confessional-type poetry like cyril.
btw 1, i played with it a little more along the way, and wat i have now is a little different from the one i put up in this blog.
the second stanza is the embellishment. but i like it. heehee. i disagree with not creating fictious details, to each his own, i think fictious details make the poem better, you on the other hand won't. so thats that.
hhhhhhowever, i hate to agree with a certain local poet (other reasons) but i feel his comment that literary truths are some times the most boring things and will work against the poem, is very valid.
now that u've mentioned it, while i agree with kristina tom's general assessment, i am undecided about the ambiguous ending; i see nothing wrong with that.
btw 2, cy didnt like that last stanza either.
this was fun. cool, :)
clarification: cy didnt like my last stanza either. (in case u got it the wrong way.)
i really enjoyed this! thks!
I should say more precisely that my works aren't always entirely true to literal reality either, but I am quite religious about sticking to the spirit of the situation that I'm trying to write a poem about.
Agree that literary truths can lead to boring poems; too much embellishment and too many flourishes, on the other hand, leaves the reader wondering whether you really have anything important to say (Grace Chia's Womango comes to my mind - again, of course, just my opinion).
Embellishment just feels dishonest to me. Too many poetic flourishes remind me of some fly-by-night pop star - the kind that had one No. 1 single in the 1980s and then faded into obscurity forever because she really didn't have any real substance. However, I would be quite okay with the "Stephens Dobyns" or "Charles Simic" approach - where the poetry is so fantastic and out-of-the-real-world that the reader knows straightaway that you're more or less inventing absolutely everything as you go along.
I didn't read Gaston's or Aaron's stuff so I can't comment. I do think it's a bit sad that there is this line of thinking in the local poetry circle right now that if you win GPA, your poetry must have been banal because the judges are. What an ignorant view - I shan't bother to defend myself, but I don't think I have ever seen a single poem by Ouyang Yu or Stephen Dobyns which I would describe as banal; neither is it a word I would associate with the writings of past GPA prizewinners like Cyril Wong or Alfian Saat. Not commenting on the other winners because I don't know their works very well.
And if Gilbert Koh is the winner of the Banal Prize of the Year, then gee, Gaston Ng and Aaron Lee must also be pretty banal; after all they came so close to winning. Only narrowly pipped by Janet Liew and Sharlene Teo. Congratulations to all.
Cy basically didn't like my beach poem. Had shown it to him soon after GPA. I respect Cy's views and in fact he's given me a lot of useful criticisms on many of my poems - but after some time, I've also learned not to take any one person's views too seriously. I've had folks like Felix Cheong; Cyril Wong; Paul Tan; Enoch Tan (Cy's publisher); Hsien Min etc look through many of my poems, and I've been struck by how subjective all this stuff is. A poem that Cy loves, Felix says "Huh?". A poem that Felix says, "Marvellous!", Enoch says, "Okay lah, so so." A poem that Enoch loves, Cy says, "Throw it away lah." So by now I've learned to take people's criticisms into consideration, but at the same time, not to take any of this too seriously. Because their criticisms often contradict each other anyway.
yes, u very the right, bro. :) that is an ignorant as hell idea becoz ouyang yu stuff is fantastic. Stephen Dobyns was a judge meh? i thought it was leong l.g. and another eh.. older generation lady. gaston's stuff eh.. cannot be described as banal. very far from that. but must agree with u on womango.
that one, criminal waste of paper. haha. (dun tell, later i have explain myself!)
embellish = dishonest? semi-disagree, becoz while i used the word embellish, it should be better described as putting one in another's shoes. semi-disagree becoz i am fine with being a dishonest person. hahaa (sheepish grin)
Stephen Dobyns was the judge the last time round. When Aaron Maniam won 1st prize and Cyril won 2nd prize.
There are three judges each time. LLG and L Tzu Pheng (the other "older generation" lady) are the two regulars; the 3rd will be some critically acclaimed person invited from overseas. Can't remember who was the foreign judge in the year that Alfian won.
Extreme hypothetical example of what I mean by embellishment and dishonesty:
Now imagine if you suddenly discovered that actually, Cy is a full-blooded heterosexual with a warm, loving family and a wonderful dad. And that Cy had just been pretending to be otherwise, because he felt that the pretence would make for more gripping "confessional" poetry.
How would you then feel about his books and poems?
hahaha! cy hetero! stomach pain already. :) i've known the guy since our sec school days and him being straight is major joke.
okay, play along with your example, say i dun know him, say what u say is true, i will feel... perfectly fine. to me it's the poem that matter. take another example, say levine doesnt have his working class background, he just dreamt it up, what would i feel? perfectly ok. it differs from person to person. some dudes may even feel betrayed when it is revealed that the poet didnt suffer, but other dudes like me, see no evil in it.
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