something for the new year, again. again.

(edited: 22/1/06)

This Year

It is that close to seven.
You, on the eleventh floor;
attempting smoke rings,
snowing ash on people coming home.

Your clocks are lined up to mark the occasion,
one after another.
An unimportant hour
on the first day of the year.

Somewhere outside, there is a woman
yelling, and you imagine tears
leaking from her corners.
A thick male voice replies in shouts.
Then the thud of something heavy.

Somewhere in that house,
the Christmas tree has not been taken down
yet.
Their children keep their focus on the telly,
advertisement-surfing.

Their eldest daughter hopes
that before the night is over,
someone nice would have kissed her.
In her room, the computer screen flickers;
an eager message.

The seconds blade painfully
into your smoke rings.
On the streets, everyone freezes
into the half-hundredth of their last second.
It is like what Carver wrote:
“Any minute now, something will happen.”
Only here,
you wish it would hurry.


Listeningto: wallflowers - one head light
reading: invoices and the year end accounts, sigh...

__

2005, in my opinion.

the first draft of this entry was dedicated to the people i met and detested the last entire year. very long list of mainly clients, (no principals because they withstand my nonsense and they are such sweet buggers) retailers, etc and 1 world famous consulting mnc partner. (to that partner person: i say again, given another go at the system, it will still take me/us 2 weeks from the handover, if you not happy, you can buy over us and i'll be bloody happy to sell.)

then i went out and rented 2 mushy movies (love actually and something else too mushy to mention for fear i be labelled gay aspirant) and remembered something in the midst of all this hate:

i spent the entire year still being very much in love with b. and come to think of it, a year apart from her presence.

sigh.

on hindsight, what a f***ing waste of my 2005, to take things to heart so badly.. that and the meaningless thing i do that the general public term as work.

was just talking to sulyn (friend's pregnant wife, congrats woman!) about tvs when the b episode topic thing came up, and i realised that the whole thing has made me rather heartless.

so resolutions are to:
1. stop bothering about bastard type clients and quote them extremely high prices so even if they want our services, we can withstand their crap knowing that they are paying a high price to belt us.

2. to soften concrete heart. preferrably with new petite sized girl with the manga girl eyes and who is shorter than me (important).

***

maybe i should retire this year-end.

listeningto: more aimee mann
reading: bob hicok

___

something for the new year.

a little something i wrote on the first real day of the year. (i.e. the day you go back to work)

***

The New Year

It is that close to seven.
My clocks are arranged to mark the occasion,
one after another.
An unimportant hour
on the first day of the new year.

Somewhere outside, you could hear a woman
shouting, and imagine the tears
leaking from her corners.
Some guy’s hateful reply.
Then the thick thud
of something heavy.

Nothing from the children, mesmerised by the television.
Advertisments.
The eldest daughter hopes
that before the night is over,
someone nice would have kissed her.

Today I am suddenly clairvoyant,
and I know that somewhere in that house,
the Christmas tree has not been taken down.
It is as what Carver said:
“Any minute now, something will happen.”
Except here, you actually wish it would.