bye bye hero.

another poetic hero has passed on. arthur yap passed away in his sleep yesterday. first kunitz then yap. oh well thats life.

actually made plans with cy and gaston to go kinda pay the last respect thing today but the interview for the new guy dragged into small talk, and discussion of plans for the year ahead took too long, and by the time i was done, it was over.

i suspect i subconsciously avoid funerals and wakes. i have exceeded the total amount of fingers i have for the number of funerals and wakes i have missed.

i dont really know how to behave at a funeral. its just me, but i tend to fidget, crack jokes and smile too much. i dunno why.

when my granduncle passed away, i was the only grand-whatever who wasnt present. and i was quite sure i was his favourite. i am not making any excuses now, but i wasnt sad for his passing then (i was 14) and since i knew i couldnt behave appropriately so i figured i make an excuse for my absence..

till date, i am still fondly thought of as being filial but unfortunate.

maybe i need a new heart.

or maybe i just need to be reminded. ha.

***
listening to: the verve - the drugs don't work
reading: mark strand - selected poems